The ANC and Self proclaimed Black Messiah promised much before the election. Vavi and Nzimandi, being communists are not great believers in God-given miracles but their followers are. Since they are part of the ANC they must now find someone to catch the monkey. Vavi, not being part of the government can  make Zuma the fall guy, therefore the threats of uncontrollable strikes and the demand, sorry...instruction to the Black Messiah to meet.

Zuma, already fighting for survival, can’t understand why he, as the Black Messiah, can’t deliver the things he promised. He was under the impression his Father in heaven will grant him the ability to turn a can of pilchards into mountains of fish. I advise he shows patience and, come the next red tide or poisonous mine effluent inflow into Loskop, there will be plenty of fish and crayfish. I’m not too sure where the bread will come from though. Having to face this dilemma and Vavi, our Messiah went to church to pray, not for victory he was granted, but for deliverance from the evil Vavi and protection by the congregation. He does not like the idea of going from “Hail...hail to nail...nail”.

At the end of the service the congregation sang the assault hymn, Umshini Whami whilst performing the AK 47 jive. Whereafter Zuma asked for the “Beaker to pass him by” in a manner of speaking.

The Reverend, when asked about the assault gun hymn said; “If the followers of Jesus had shown a bit of aggression, he would never have been crucified”. A clear warning to Vavi and his commie friends?

By now, many may have seen or heard the announcement that Manto Tshabalala-Msimang has been appointed as African Union Goodwill Ambassador and Champion for the Improvement of Maternal and Child Health in Africa beyond 2015. Health experts and lobby groups are justly outraged. However, they do not understand the reasons for this appointment. As many of you know, the out-of-control population growth in Africa has become a serious problem. I referred, in a previous post, to how everything from slavery, to colonialism, famine, genocide and HIV/Aids has all failed to stem the scourge of prolific breeding plaguing the continent. We recently saw, in the rise and fall of the swine flu, another opportunity for control fading.

Because of this ever-growing problem, African leaders got together during Jacob Zuma’s inauguration and decided on a new initiative to curb population growth. We should feel proud of our president; the leaders liked the Zuma Planning Commission idea so much they decided to form a “Population Moderation Committee” that will be tasked with the planning and controlling efforts to manage the population explosion. They decided to use people as Ambassadors and Champions, who have proved their ability to achieve results.

The first appointment, at the insistence of President Zuma and strongly supported by Muammar Gadaffi was Manto. Her track record in South Africa inspired confidence. It is estimated that her HIV/Aids policies killed at least 400 000 people. That is 1% of the population. If she can do the same in Africa, it means 7 million people gone. Imagine the relief. If we add to the effectiveness of her HIV/Aids policy, her contribution to lowering of life expectancy of South Africans from 65 in 1994 to 51 in 2007. A true champion she is.

The second appointment expected is that of Robert Mugabe. Apparently, he will be appointed African Union Goodwill Ambassador and Champion for food security. His transformation of the agricultural sector of Zimbabwe is legendary and can never be replicated and recognition of his achievements has been overdue. The leaders are hoping that with Mugabe in charge the flight of Africans into Europe will take on the same gargantuan proportions as the flight of Zimbabweans into South Africa. Mugabe apparently sees this as an opportunity to wreak revenge on the hated Europeans, British and Americans. He hopes that many fleeing Africans will find their way into the UK and from there to the USA. He has been advised to use Bishop Verryn to set up shelters like the Johannesburg Central Methodist Church in all major European cities.

Gwede Mantashe was offered the role of African Union Goodwill Ambassador and Champion for the Worker. It is believed that, given his views on workers rights, the right to a living wage and decent and meaningful jobs he will make a special effort to get rid of the unemployed. If he can sell all the unemployed people prepared to work for low wages, he can rid Africa of a debilitating burden. The selective selling of slaves will bring huge revenue to the continent and once again, the burden presented by what amounts to human parasites, is transferred to the enemies of Africa. Madonna, having heard the rumour is apparently over the moon with the development. If the plan works, she can have little African pets all over her estate without the cost and adoption complications she currently has to deal with.

For the role as African Union Goodwill Ambassador and Champion for Ethnic Harmony, African leaders are still at loggerheads. The candidates for the role are Mengistu Haile Miriam and Omar El Bashir. Gadaffi and Mugabe favours Mengistu whilst Jacob Zuma, at the insistence of ex-wife Nkosasana is pulling for El Bashir. Whoever gets the job, the results can be spectacular. Just a pity they cannot get any of the experienced leaders from Rwanda Genocide into this role.

The leaders were asked to give the initiative more thought and to submit their ideas to expand the initiative to other potential areas of population reduction at the next AU summit

I should’ve tackled this issue last night when it was fresh in my mind and whilst I was spitting fire and brimstone, whilst my mind was still poisoned with hatred and scorn. Maybe it is better that way, now I can try to criticize objectively. Being objective when you deal with lily-livered, incompetent and plain stupid nincompoops it is difficult to remain objective.

ICASA in the about turn of the century withdrew their approval of the Telkom-Vodafone deal. The reason although not stated, is pressure from COSATU and Blade Nzimandi and probably Piggy Mantashe. Sequela Sequela a spokes person for ICASA said hearings will be held over the next two months and a decision will be taken after that. After releasing the statement, Sequela ² promptly went to ground and according to Summit TV, could not be reached for comment. Just the man’s spokesperson spells disaster. The other person with a weird name making statements on critical issues is Tladi Tladi and we all know what came from his statements, an about turn and subsequent disaster. It seams that these second take names, Sequela Sequela, Tladi Tladi and Kemp Kemp leads to about turns and disaster. But hell, how can you expect people with such names to stick to anything. I suppose we have ourselves to blame for trusting people that have such little trust in themselves they have to repeat their names all the time.

Needless to say, because of this delightful news, the Rand flew like a lead balloon and promptly lost 2% in value. We will know on Monday how much more will be lobbed off the value of Telkom (6% in the past week). We can now understand why Botswana gets foreign fixed investment into their Power projects and we have to milk the consumer and taxpayer to finance ESKOM. We need fixed investment to create jobs. Creating jobs cost money...money we do not have. Soon we will borrow from Mozambique, Botswana and Malawi...they are attracting foreign fixed investment.

One of the main instigators against the deal was Nzimandi, (encouraged by Mantashe and supported by Vavi) who has such a grasp of business finance it took Manuel a full day to explain the deal. Despite Manuel’s efforts, Dr. Brilliant Educator still failed to grasp the gist of the deal. He thought it was good for inflation if the rand falls in value. In his mind, it is also more beneficial to sell a cheaper Telkom to the Chinese. As for COSATU, they were afraid that working for Vodafone will result in them having to work harder and, Heaven forbid they may actually have to compete with the Indians and Chinese.

A great start for the new government, especially seen with the increased influx of Zimbabweans over the past week.

The new Gauteng Premier Nomvulu Mokonyane is not letting grass grow other her feet. With her boundless energy and entrepreneurial spirit and sense for opportunity, I knew it would not take a long time for her to find gold. I’m also impressed that she is targeting areas that will bring new money into the Gauteng coffers. She is not planning to skim from current cash inflows.

I hear you asking, "What’s he on about?" I’m referring to Nomvulu’s ideas and thoughts on the legalisation of prostitution.  Can you imagine the possibilities? It is rumoured that the Ministers involved in the planning commission are over the moon because of the obvious potential economic benefits of the plan. Pravin Gordan was quite worried about tax revenues maxing out.

It is rumoured that Lolly Jackson has been seen with Nomvulu’s at a number of occasions in the last few months with a lunch meeting as recently as last week. A spokesperson for Premier’s Office, Cutie Skeberesh, said there was no truth to speculation that Ms. Mokonyane discussed possible ventures with Mr Jackson. “They discussed the replacement of Russian and Asian girls with African girls as part of the ANC’s manifesto which promises meaningful jobs”, she added. Skeberesh also said that the Premier had discussions with Bishop Paul Verryn about the possibility of using illegal Zimbabweans in houses of pleasure in exchange for a percentage of the revenues from this business. The Premier explained the need to manage prostitution to prevent the other evils that comes with uncontrolled prostitution. The Bishop showed a lot of understanding and since prostitution is such an old and established profession it is pointless to suppress the practice thereof. Apparently, the Premier got assurance from Verryn that he will do everything in his power to ensure that the girls are not used up by the illegal Zimbabwean men at the premises of the Central Methodist church.

The MK veterans association welcomed the Premier’s stance and NEC member Coward Nkwenkwe wanted to know whether the “racist whore, Zille” would in anyway be involved in the venture.

The potential of a business based on prostitution has huge potential. The marketing director of Durex, Sheath De Kock, believes that a controlled and well-managed sex industry can treble their revenues. He also pointed out that many other businesses support the practice of prostitution, which will bring many benefits to the entire economy: “ with The President being such a good role model, the sex industry in South Africa can only be a ball-busting success with every man trying to emulate their libidious superhero”, he added.

Eskom, South Africa’s power utility, has asked the National Energy Regulator of South Africa (Nersa) for a 34% nominal tariff increase.

Who do we thank? Jeff...Jeff Radebe. He was the man that stopped ESKOM expansion in 1998. We are still suffering the consequences of his shortsighted vision.

Transport is a disaster and it happened during Jeff’s watch.

Jeff was the man that devised the new ANC strategy. The visions of Jakob, with Gwede and Blade’s input, were put to paper by none other than our Jeffie.

 We can only congratulate the president on his enormous foresight with the appointment of our Jeff as new Minister of Justice and Constitutional Development. The state of our justice system, as we all know, is a bit dodgy. Considering incumbents like the drunk Motata, slippery Hlope, plagiariser Nchwe and the scheming Hofmeyer and with the assistance of Today-Here-Tomorrow-There Willem Heath I cannot wait to see the result. They are going to make the thick Johnny de Lange look like a genius. As for Constitutional Development, that could be a completely new story by itself. The possibilities are “to ghastly to contemplate” in the words of Comrade Mulder’s big hero, B.J Vorster

A bit of gossip. I was in Ballito recently, where I was told by a reliable source that Red Jeff, Moneyed Mommy Bridget and family holidays at Zimbali. Rumour has it that the family is quite demanding on the serfs. I wonder if Jeff sings along when the poor oppressed “volk” sing lullabies to the kids. That nice little song, “my mother was a kitchen girl, my farther was a gardener that is why I’m Communist” will go down with little Radebes. By the way, my informant says there is no truth in the rumour that Bridget has a “hammer and sickle” tattooed on her boob.